EPILOG FEATURES GRADUATING MFA WRITERS MAY 30th

EPILOG FEATURES GRADUATING MFA WRITERS MAY 30

The OSU Writers’ Guild and the Creative Writing Program are hosting “Epilog: An Evening of Poetry, Fiction and Creative Nonfiction” at 7 p.m. Friday (5/30) in Roy Bowen Theater in the Drake Union. The event honors graduating MFA creative writers and will feature readings by the graduates from portions of their work. The event is free. Contact: bierschenk.1@osu.edu

-Article from OSUToday, May 28 2008

A Couple of Readings This Week

The following is taken directly from Downtown Writers Network's weekly events announcement:



"A glorious May ends with two readings that central Ohio writers will want to take note of.The first happens Sunday evening, when the monthly get-together of the Peripatetic Poets present featured readings by Dotte Turner and Doug Rutledge, 7:00 at Areopagitica Books (3510 N. High St.).The second will be Friday, in Nestor Hall on the Columbus State campus, where writers from the student body and the community at large will gather to sample one another's work in a free-wheeling open mic. The fun begins at 7:00. Don't miss it."


If you attend either or both of these events, add comments to this post to tell your COWC brothers and sisters all about it.

Poetry in Goodale Park - Saturday, June 7 at 7:00pm

Hey there, COWC people. I just received the following email about a poetry event being held at Goodale Park on Saturday, June 7th that sounds quite interesting. I will have just been married and will be engrossed in my reception that evening, otherwise I would go and check it out for myself. I recommend you all attend on your own. Bring a poem to read aloud. Tell me all about it afterward. After the official COWC Kick Off in July, maybe we can form a group event around the next poetryinthepark event.

"Hello, I found your blog and would like to invite you to a Gallery Hop Saturday writers' event.

I am the event coordinator of Poetry in the Park (www.poetryinthepark.com) and would like to invite you and everyone in your group to come to our next event, Saturday, June 7 at 7:00 p.m.

Our featured poet is Jerry Roscoe, the former poetry editor of The Columbus Dispatch. We will also have music by Chris Davis, a very talented musician and lyricist.

This event takes place in beautiful Goodale Park at the corner of Buttles Avenue and Park Street. It is free to the public. Open mic will begin around 8:00 p.m. and everyone is invited to share their work.

Hope to see you soon.

Best regards,
Shanna
Shanna Harrell
Event Coordinator, Poetry in the Park
info@poetryinthepark.com"

Maury Povich - By Natalie Welsh for Public Review

This is thoroughly offensive and fully tongue-in-cheek.


Things I Wish Maury Povich Had the Balls (Or Lack of Tact) to Say to Baby Mommas and Potential Baby Daddies.



1. You do realize that children are conceived about 9 months before they are born, right? You can't just pick some dude you fucked twelve years ago and expect him to be the biological father of your two-year-old simply because he's the only gainfully employed male that you know.



2. Yes, dating someone for two weeks IS long enough to get her pregnant. It only takes one time, stupid. You went to public school, didn't you?



3. Shaynikqwana? Were you high on crack when you thought of that name?



4. This is the sixteenth man you have brought on the show to be tested. Were you a prostitute? Go on, admit it. Normal women do not fuck 16 dudes in a two-week span.



5. Just because you have six boys with five other women doesn't mean you're somehow magically incapable of fathering girls!/Just because you have six girls with five other women doesn't mean you're somehow magically incapable of fathering boys!



6. Just because your skin is dark doesn't mean you can't have a light-skinned kid!/Just because your skin is light doesn't mean you can't have a dark-skinned kid!



7. You can't be more than 100% sure of anything. It's just mathematical logic.



8. Birth control. Ever heard of it? Try it. You might like it.



9. Having a "keep-a-nigga baby" isn't going to work if the "nigga" isn't actually the baby daddy.



10. Maybe if you weren't out 'ho-ing around all the time, you'd know who your baby daddy was.



11. I'm so glad so many of you are too poor to conduct a DNA test at home in a private doctor's office without the whole world watching. I can't wait to go home tonight and roll around in a big pile of money while watching Connie snort coke out of a stripper's asscrack, just before sleeping soundly through the night. Life is good. Where was I?... oh yeah... you are NOT the father!



Please, feel free to comment on this piece with constructive criticism and/or appreciation. That is the reason it is posted. Thanks!

Guitar Combo Meal - By Natalie Welsh for Public Review

This started out as a cover letter a friend asked me to write. Then I wrote a “read-between-the-lines” version. Names have been changed in the interest of privacy.

Dear [Parent of Potential Student],

My name is [Guitar Guy], and I am writing this letter to detail the skills I have to offer in teaching your child how to play guitar. I hope that by perusing this letter, you will gain the insight you need to make an informed decision regarding your child’s guitar instructor.

I began playing and reading music twenty-one years ago, when I played trombone in the Pleasant View Middle School Concert Band. In order to play trombone, it was necessary that I learn to read music – a skill I have retained to this day. Over the years, I learned to play many other instruments, including percussion, brass, strings, and keyboard. I have played electric guitar and bass in several local Columbus bands. More recently, I have focused on developing a solo act that features my vocals and acoustic guitar skills. I perform a range of classic rock, folk, and pop covers, along with songs I have written myself.

As a guitar instructor, I focus mostly on playing rock and pop guitar. I will assess your child’s abilities and knowledge of the basics, such as chords, fingering, and general guitar maintenance. Once your child is comfortable and knows his/her way around a guitar, I will begin to show him/her how to link the chords into songs. With beginner students, I will start out with simple songs, such as “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” and continue from there at your child’s own pace.

It is important to note that as I teach your child, he/she will naturally pick up some sight-reading skills as we begin to use tablature. However, I do not intend to teach my students how to read music in depth. This is a tremendous skill, and an important one for a classical musician to have, but not necessary to master the guitar. (Classical guitar or piano lessons are excellent avenues for educating your child in sight-reading music.)

Over the years, I have acquired 8-track recording equipment that I intend to use as a learning tool. For example, your child can record himself/herself playing and identify trouble spots during the playback (with my assistance). It will also be possible for your child to record two or more harmonious tracks and mix them together, giving him/her a sense of how various musical elements combine to make a whole. If you wish, I can make CDs of these recordings available to you.

It is likely that you are looking into [Guitar Lesson Company] so that your child can learn an instrument in a comfortable, familiar, hassle-free environment. I definitely agree that these are important aspects of effective learning. As a teacher, I am committed to responsibility and punctuality. I am exceptionally well-organized, and will arrive at your home with my own guitar, lesson plans, and other instructional materials. Parents, if you feel that your child would benefit from my instruction, please inform [Guitar Lesson Company] of your decision. Before long, your child will be giving impromptu living-room performances to his/her most appreciative audience: you.

Sincerely,
[Guitar Guy]


Dear Parents,


I feel very sorry for you. If you had made friends with some of those loser stoners in high school, you might have a chance at getting your kid a guitar teacher that you already know (and for way cheaper than these piano fools, to boot). Unfortunately, you were probably those super-cool kids who played sports and sat on top of the bleachers instead of hanging out under them. Now you're forced to turn to professionals, and you'll be forced to pay them a professional rate, too.


I bet it was a blow to your ego when your kid said that he wanted to play guitar instead of football. You looked nervously at your wife, but later confided to her that guitar's okay, as long as the kid doesn't want to take ballet. It's your own fault for buying him Guitar Hero. Now he thinks he's going to be the next Slash. I hope you've prepared him for the crushing disappointment that is sure to ensue.


I'm going to teach your kid all that I know, and believe me, I know a lot. I'd like to remind you that it is your responsibility to make sure your kid practices in between sessions. If you've paid through the nose for months of lessons, and your kid can only play one chord, you have only yourself to blame. All those ragin' hot licks coming from your kid's bedroom? Yeah, that's Guitar Hero. On the "Easy" setting.


Don't come in during practice sessions to "make requests." No, I'm not playing that Eagles song, and I'm sure as hell not going to waste my time teaching it to your kid. If you haven't noticed, I'm what they call a Serious Musician. Serious Musicians think Don Henley is songwriting's answer to the eunuch. If you think it's important that your kid play that song, you know it will inevitably be featured on some edition of Guitar Hero. You can just purchase it then. Probably long after the kid has decided he doesn't want to play real guitar anymore because "it's too hard."


Please do not purchase your child anything made out of leather until he has learned at least one song. We don't want the kid prematurely assuming he's going to be a famous and debauched rock star. Encouraging ridiculous fantasies in someone who has trouble with basic fingering will certainly lead to disaster. Calling up talent agencies to inquire about openings for a child guitar prodigy will, at this point, only increase the probability that I will use "Chocolate Rain" to teach your child how to sing and play simultaneously. For about eight weeks in a row. In painstaking, repetitive detail. Turned up to ten. Don't do it.


I would also appreciate it if you do not stand in the doorway and adamantly insist that I teach your child Guns n' Roses' "Anything Goes" from the sheet music you printed off the internet. If you haven't noticed, your kid is seven. That song contains words I never even heard until I was twelve, and didn't know the meanings of until I was seventeen. Let's keep it appropriate, shall we?


I'm looking forward to a long and lucrative (for me) series of guitar lessons with your child. So butt out, and let me get to work. We all know you're doing this so you can have Guitar Hero all to yourself, anyway.


Please, feel free to comment on this piece with constructive criticism and/or appreciation. That is the reason it is posted. Thanks!

Ages - By Brad for Public Review

Ages

The beast inside of me
Is me
Around me
In search of me
Found me
Yes me
No me
Enabled to hound me
Diss me
Confound me
All over the town me
Up and down me
Spinning around me
I'm one of the crowd me
Crutch me then crown me
Kiss me then shroud me
Spinning around me
Bless me, bless me
Spin all around me
Spin all around me


Bradley T. Essex - All Rights Reserved


Please, feel free to comment on this piece with constructive criticism and/or appreciation. That is the reason it is posted. Thanks!

Thurber House Announces the 2008 Literary Picnics Line-Up

The following was sent via email by Thurber_House@mail.vresp.com.

Thurber House is Pleased to Announce the 2008 Literary Picnics Line-Up

Thurber House is pleased to offer you another fantastic line-up of outdoor picnics and readings with authors who have an Ohio connection. This season, you can meet a finalist for a Pulitzer Prize for Fiction, a Great Lakes Book Award winner, a Columbus native with a love for the game of pool, and a novelist with a wonderful sense of the absurd. We'll kick off the 23rd season with an evening of humor and the winners of the 2008 Thurber Treat writing contest. So please join us on the Thurber House lawn for five evenings of good friends, good food, and great books.


Each picnic runs as follows:

5:20 p.m. - Guided tours of the house given by our Young Docents.
6:15 p.m. - Dinner is served. Order one of our festive catered dinners, made fresh by Party Panach catering, or pack your own.
7:00 p.m. - The reading begins. Thurber House remains open after the reading for tours, book buying, and signing.


Please bring your own lawn chairs or blankets. You are also welcome to bring alcoholic beverages. Parking is free after 6:00 p.m. at the meters along Jefferson Avenue. In case of rain, join us at State Auto Insurance, 518 E. Broad St. for all picnics.

Wednesday, June 11: A Thurber Treat. This year writers were asked to compose advice column parodies similar to those that James Thurber wrote in his story, "The Pet Department," which is collected in the best-selling The Thurber Carnival. Katharine Moore, Executive Director of the German Village Society, and part-time director of the Jefferson Center for Learning and the Arts, will host the evening and read excerpts from Thurber's story, then the contest winners will read their entries.

Wednesday, June 25: Lee Martin. Lee Martin is a professor and Director of Creative Writing at The Ohio State University. He is the author of several books including the 2006 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction finalist, The Bright Forever. He will read from his latest novel, River of Heaven, a striking story about the high cost of living a lie, the chains that bind us to our past, and the obligations we have to those we love.

Wednesday, July 9: Katrina Kittle. Dayton, Ohio native Katrina Kittle will read from her latest novel, The Kindness of Strangers, which creates a haunting vision of the secret lives of people we think we know. It is a poignant tale of how the tragedy of a single family in a small town can affect so many. She is also the author of Traveling Light and Two Truths and a Lie.

Wednesday, July 23: Heather Byer. Heather Byer is a freelance writer and editor in New York City, as well as a copy editor at a management consulting firm. Sweet: An Eight-Ball Odyssey is her first book, which recounts her first fumbling attempts to learn a game that beckoned her for years. She describes the hypnotic pull that surrounds the sport of pool, and the constant quest for the win. Byer was born and raised in Columbus, Ohio.

Wednesday, August 6: Brock Clarke. Brock Clarke will read from his latest novel, An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England, a delightfully dark story of "accidental arsonist and murderer" Sam Pulsifier, who leads readers through a flame-filled adventure starting when he accidentally burns down the historic home of Emily Dickenson. Clarke teaches creative writing at the University of Cincinnati.

**INVITED REVIEW SUBMISSIONS - JUNE 2008

Our first Invited Review submission deadline will be June 15th 2008. If you are interested in submitting your short story, chap book, graphic novel, poem, play, screenplay etc for review and constructive critique by local individuals with notable experience and/or expertise on the subject of writing, literature etc, then send your original work(s) as an email attachment to centralohiowriterscollective@gmail.com by the deadline.

Here's how it will work. We (Brad & JD) will forward all submissions received by the deadline to the invited reviewer(s) we have lined up for a given review event. The invited reviewer(s) will send their written critique along with any related materials back to us. Unless you request otherwise in your submission email, we will then forward all related materials to you, the submitter, as an email with attachments. Pretty simple. You send to us. We send to them. They send back to us. We send back to you. This process helps to safeguard the contact information of all parties involved.

Our Invited Reviewer for this upcoming event is Diana Evans Vance!
Diana is a highly decorated English/Language Arts/Theatre Educator, Business Owner, and Performing Arts Professional. Only a selection of her many accomplishments and credentials are listed as follows:

DEGREES HELD
The Ohio State University – B. S. Education
The Ohio State University – B. A. Theatre
The Ohio State University – M.A. Theatre

EDUCATION/PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT ACTIVITIES
1985,1986,1988 ECCO annual writing conferences – Participant
1989 Educational Theatre Association Directors’ Seminar – Cincinnati, OH – Participant
1992, 1993 OAAE Leadership Retreats
1996 Educational Theatre Association Directors’ Seminar – New York City – Participant
1998 Educational Theatre Association Directors’ Seminar – Toronto, Canada – Participant

TEACHING AND RELATED EMPLOYMENT HISTORY (MOST CURRENT)
Hilliard Davidson High School (formerly Hilliard High School)
English Department Facilitator (Chair) 2004-present
Performing Arts Department Facilitator (Chair) 1994-2004
Performing Arts/English Department teacher 1975-present
District Technical Director 1975-present
Department of Education, State of Ohio – Praxis III Evaluator (evaluation
of entry year teachers) 1998-present

PROFESSIONAL ASSOCIATION/ORGANIZATION ACTIVITIES
Vice President, Programs – Ohio Alliance for Arts Education - 1998-2000
Board Member – Ohio Alliance for Arts Education - 1995-1998
Member - Ohio Alliance for Arts Education 1993-present
State Board Member – Ohio Educational Theatre Association – 1987-present
Technical Coordinator – Ohio Thespian’s all-Ohio Production – 1988-1990, 1994, 1998, 2006, 2007, 2008
Planning Committee – Ohio thespian society’s annual conference 1987-present
Editor – OHIO MARQUEE, published by EdTA/Ohio 1992-2000
Editor and writing team member for ACT: A Curriculum for Theatre published by OTA in conjunction with Ohio EdTA and the Ohio Arts Council 1995-1996
Member of the OAAE Arts Assessment Model Project – 1997-2000
PRAXIS III Evaluator – certified 1998

PROFESSIONAL RECOGNITION
School Award, Department Facilitator – Creative Ticket for Success Award/National Schools of Distinction issued from the Kennedy Center Alliance for Arts Education Center, Washington, D.C.
Award Recipient – Ohio Theatre Alliance’s Life time Achievement Award 1997
Award Recipient – Educational Theatre Association’s Hall of Fame Award 1996
Finalist – Ohio Teacher of the Year 1994
Recipient – Hilliard City School’s Teacher of the Year 1994
Co-director, Hilliard Davidson High School Theatre Team – selected as one of a limited number of American high schools to perform at The American High School Theatre Festival as part of The Fringe Festival in Edinburgh, Scotland – 1998, 2003, 2007

Comic Artist and OSU Alum Pope to Give Talk at Wexner

One of the most eclectic talents in comics, Ohio State alumnus Paul Pope will speak at the Wexner Center Film/Video Theater at 7 p.m. Tuesday (5/20). A book signing will follow. In addition to creating comics, Pope has branched out into the world of fashion, designing silk-screen prints and window displays for Diesel and his own line of clothes for DKNY Jeans. The event is co-sponsored by the Wexner Center for the Arts and the Cartoon Research Library in conjunction with the exhibition, Jeff Smith: Bone and Beyond.

**ONLINE PUBLIC REVIEW SUBMISSIONS - MAY 2008

We did not receive any submissions for this month's Online Public Review. But we are not discouraged. This is, after all, only our first month of operation. Field of Dreams suddenly comes to mind, "If you build it, they will come..."

Our next Online Public Review submission deadline is June 15th 2008. If you are interested in having your short stories, poetry etc posted to the COWC blog for worldwide public viewing and commentary, send it as an email attachment to centralohiowriterscollective@gmail.com. We will post all submissions at once on Monday, June 16th 2008.

And remember the Golden Rule:
Comment on others' work, as you would have them comment on yours.

Jeff Smith: Bone and Beyond - Sat, May 10 - Sun, Aug 3, 2008 - Wexner Center Galleries

Jeff Smith: Bone and Beyond Exhibition

Sat, May 10 - Sun, Aug 3, 2008 Wexner Center Galleries

Stop by the Wexner Center at 12:30 p.m. today (5/14) for a free gallery talk led by the curators of the exhibition Jeff Smith: Bone and Beyond. Dave Filipi and Lucy Shelton Caswell will discuss the works of Smith, a nationally best-selling Columbus-based graphic novelist, as well as original comic strips by some of his influences, from Charles Schulz to Garry Trudeau.

Based in Columbus, Jeff Smith is one of the country's most acclaimed and influential comic book artist/writers, best known for the epic graphic novel Bone.

In 2005, Time magazine called Bone, which Smith wrote and drew, one of the 10 greatest graphic novels of all time. This exhibition—a partnership between the Wexner Center and Ohio State University's Cartoon Research Library—encompasses approximately 80 original drawings: primarily original black-and-white pages from Bone, with a smaller selection of full-color Bone covers and post-Bone work, including original drawings from Smith's recent Shazam series for DC Comics and from Rasl, his current project about a time-traveling thief.


Wexarts article:
http://www.wexarts.org/ex/index.php?eventid=2371

Jeff Smith Official Website:
http://www.boneville.com/

**Post Your Short Story, Poetry etc for Public Review by May 13th

All you have to do is send the piece you wish to be posted to the COWC Blog as an email attachment (preferably in Microsoft Word format) to centralohiowriterscollective@gmail.com. JD or I will format it for the blog (making no content changes of any kind) and post all submissions at once by end of day Tuesday, May 13th...or Wednesday morning ;).



If any of you out there would like to be added to the COWC google group, please let us know. JD & I send out occasional reminders and special 'heads ups' to COWC google group members and can receive communications, submissions, etc from group members very easily. Just email us at the address above and let us know.



Also, be sure to read our Statement of Purpose and Kick Off/Planned Events & Activites posts for more information about this Public Review and other things we have planned.

Thanks!

Thurber House Presents a Special Evening with Firoozeh Dumas

Don't miss 2005 Thurber Prize for American Humor Finalist Firoozeh Dumas and Laughing Without an Accent

She will read from her newest memoir, Laughing Without an Accent: Adventures of an Iranian American, at Home and Abroad on Wednesday, May 14 at 7:30 p.m., at the Columbus Museum of Art. A cocktail reception with Dumas will precede the reading.Dumas was a finalist for the 2005 Thurber Prize for Humor for her national bestseller, Funny in Farsi, and she is a judge for the 2008 Thurber Prize. Her newest memoir, Laughing Without An Accent: Adventures of an Iranian American, at Home and Abroad, is a charming collection of personal essays and stories about growing up Iranian-American in Southern California.Tickets are limited and are $40 for the reception (which includes the reading), and $22 in advance for reading-only with discounts for students and seniors. Purchase your ticket by calling 614-464-1032 or by clicking on the link below.
Order your ticket(s) online.


Praise for Firoozeh Dumas and Laughing Without an Accent:
"There's such a warmth to Dumas' writing that it invites the reader to pull up a seat at her table and smile right along with her." - Booklist"Undeniably entertaining." - Kirkus Reviews"These stories, like everything Firoozeh Dumas writes, are charming, highly amusing vignettes of family life. Dumas is one of those rare people - a naturally gifted storyteller." - Alexander McCall Smith
Get your ticket(s) now!

2nd ANNUAL OHIOANA BOOK FESTIVAL - Saturday May 10th from 10:00 am to 4:30 pm

Check out the 2nd ANNUAL OHIOANA BOOK FESTIVAL, Saturday May 10th from 10:00 am to 4:30 pm at the State Library of Ohio - 274 E 1st Ave. See website for details.

http://www.ohioanabookfestival.org/


Starting in July 2008, after our official Kick Off, this is the kind of event that COWC will be inviting everyone to attend as a group!

Free Comic Book Day

Sorry that posting this slipped my mind. Today is National Free Comic Book Day. Go to local comic book stores and get free comics! Feel free to throw some of them your business if you like as well. Here's the link for the event: http://www.freecomicbookday.com/

Free stuff is cool, free comics are awesome!

J.D.